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Moustaches Explained

16 Nov

It surprises me that I should have to enumerate the benefits of wearing false moustaches, but several people have asked me why I do it.

The scientific answer. Your evening will be at least 10% more fun (22% on average) than the same evening without whiskers. Everyone you encounter while will have at least 2% more fun.

The anecdotal evidence. I wore one on Saturday for W‘s birthday and the following things happened.

1. When I boarded a bus, a man stood up and applauded me.

2. When I made a routine trip to the bar bathroom, a guy shouted, “Chick with a ‘stache!” and the rest of his table threw up their arms and cheered for me. They cheered again when I returned from the bathroom.

stache

I was a panda.

1 Nov

Drunk bar pictures prove we’re still fun

31 Oct

A few weeks ago I dragged W east for a wedding. Remember? I know it’s old news, and he already blogged about it. But it was such a magical trip, I need to share it with you.

BUFFALO.

Purpose of journey: To serve as a bridesmaid, with W as my date.

Length of stay: 72 hours.

Goals: Don’t disappoint the bride.

The highlights:

1. Mighty Taco.

I’m considering changing my tagline to GUACAMOLE HAS ARRIVED. I’m not sure if this was really a highlight for me because the sad fact is they don’t put a lot of love into their vegetarian options.

2.Wegmans.

3. Breakfast scrabble.

4. The wedding/reception. I think he’s making fun of Tommy in this picture.

5. Seeing Michelle for the first time since May 2006. It almost didn’t happen. Like me, she barely made her flight, but her backstory is more solid than mine. She’s an equine vet, she’d been at the clinic for days, and she was covered in blood and goat semen when she arrived at the ticket counter, begging to be put on the plane. They let her right through. Really. Probably because she’s so adorable and her southern accent comes out when she’s tired.

6. Whitney’s swim in the cold, swift Niagara River. I have a great video of him jumping in but I’m not supposed to show it to you.

ROCHESTER.

Purpose of journey: To rekindle our relationship in the city where it all began.

Length of stay: 13 hours.

Goals: Smell a baby’s head. Have a circuitous conversation with PHiL. Put Lisa in my pocket. Touch Seelander.

The hightlights:

1. W’s playlist on the drive. When we called Little Lisa Paladino to give her an update on our progress, W warned her that there would be no hugging. But that fell apart. There was a lot of hugging. We were like hobbits in a mead hall.

2. The first round of canal jumping.

3. Frozen beers at Seelander’s house. He owns it. He is the landlord. Such a tyrant.

4. Will’s house. I met baby Dawson and I was talked into buying a Genesee Rowing shirt in a ladies’ small.

5. Dinner somewhere. It was good, but I forget. I think we had coffee. This is when Lisa started to wear Whitney down.

A hug! Success.

Sadly this is the last we saw of her because she had to go to work, where sometimes she has to touch dead bodies. This inspired more hugging.

6. I think next was Boulder Coffee for Canadian coffees (bourbon, coffee, espresso, maple syrup, whipped cream, awesome). I also think this was the only thing I paid for all night. I’m sorry. After a few drinks, everything just seems free. Does that happen to you?

This is where the thoughtful political discussion began. People tell me they have no idea what that post is about. Just know that W’s now classic strategy when sparring with self-identifying libertarians is to confront them about community services like trash collection. It’s not sexy, but that’s kind of the point.

7. The Old Toad. I lost at least one thumb war and ACCIDENTALLY threw Whitney’s camera on the floor twice. It’s cute how sad he gets when his camera dies. Like it’s not inevitable. Fortunately it didn’t stay broken. In fact, maybe I’m the one who fixed it. I don’t remember. Can you tell he still loves me?

PHiL’s eyelashes kill me.

8. Intense car dancing. I know I had a leg out the window. Then we chatted with a police officer for a few minutes. For a short while there we were all libertarians. This was followed by even more highly spirited car dancing. (If W’s playcount of Alicia Keys – No One hasn’t shot way up since that night, he’s lying.)

9. The Elmwood. At least two more pots of coffee were consumed.

PHiL and I abstained from a shot of something so I talked us into a spoonful of ketchup instead.

And I’m not eager to include this picture, but check me out not paying for something.

10. Driving down the treacherous driveway of the old Crittenden Blvd homestead. We even got out to look at the spot on the house W used to smash into with his minivan. We never did pay for those missing shingles, even though his van had a house-colored stripe. Here’s a picture of the inside of it from five years ago (stolen from W).

11. More canal jumping. So cold. Not pictured.

12. Seelander’s house “for the night.” He made us hot chocolate to stave off hypothermia and I spilled it. Snuggling. Twenty minutes later, I put on canal-wet pants and W and I left to catch our early morning flights from Buffalo. I made mine with seven minutes to spare.

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25 Apr

Come out of your reader to see my new header. Yes it is Friday night. I’ve had a long day in a long week. This is how I kick back with a box of wine.

Sweater Thursday XXI.

20 Mar

Today is the birthday of the father of the zip cardigan, Mr. Fred Rogers.* I encourage you to wear a sweater every Thursday, but today the entire city of Pittsburgh is behind me.

I hope you heed the call. As Mr. McFeely says, it doesn’t have to have a zipper down the front, it just has to be special.

If he were still with us, Mr. Rogers would be 80 years old. Fred and I have several things in common. We are both Presbyterians from Pittsburgh, and at one time, we both lived next door to Mr. McFeely, the mailman featured in that clip. (Actually, my family moved away from him before I was born so that doesn’t really count. Perhaps it is only family legend that he would come to Katie and Meghan’s birthday parties loaded with presents, shouting, “Speedy delivery! Speedy delivery!”)

This morning I zipped up a cardigan in his honor.

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It has pockets.

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In a few hours I will be on the road to Madison, WI. If nothing goes horribly wrong, I will indulge in the ultimate Sweater Thursday treat: Leslie Hall, the gem sweater lady, live at High Noon Saloon! If you’re in Iowa City this weekend, see her at the Picador on Friday.

My wool-blended heart is soggy and swollen with all this sweater love.

*Thanks to Martha and Letizia (happy birthday yesterday!) for the heads up.