Archive | June, 2010

My first hate note!

20 Jun

This was followed by a verbal confrontation.

Unauthorized bumping

17 Jun

My sister Meghan and I were messing around with the Bump app by Bump Technologies. Does this work for you? We slammed our phones together for at least ten minutes trying to get a connection. We tried top bumps and side bumps, mutual bumps and give/take bumps. Then out of nowhere Meghan received and accepted a bump from a stranger named Jesse. Before I could stop her, she sent him this photo of me sleeping. He did not reciprocate.

Jesse might be my parents’ retired neighbor. I will never ask.

Seeking new music

16 Jun

I finally followed this formula to calculate my play density! I lost all of my play count data when my computer died last November, so no one can mock me for having Jesus Take The Wheel in my top 25 anymore. It turns out listening to albums on repeat makes a boring list. But I think #36 — part three of an Agatha Christie mystery — makes it worth sharing. Apparently it took eight listens to figure out who killed everyone.

Strange and wonderful things

13 Jun

I’m having a hard week. I want to wallow and grouch. But I just caught up on Glee and I learned:

1. Don’t try to build a relationship with a teenage daughter you gave up for adoption even if you want to and she wants to and you live in the same town.

2. Do try to get out of a funk.

So let’s look at things that made me smile recently.

Misinterpreting our order for “pancakes,” the kitchen made “mickey-mouse pancakes.” The ears were on the house!

A dead lizard was discovered in the trunk of a car that has not been south of Ohio for five years. It remains.

Fresh golden baby spiders.

Fresh golden baby human.

This little dog.

Proof.

12 Jun

What a bunch of asterisks!

11 Jun

You! Let’s try this thing again (again). I’ll go first. I moved to northern Virginia last weekend. After spending two months touring the Great Lakes region (Milwaukee! Chicago! Ann Arbor! Buffalo!) I now live in the greater DC area.

So far, outside of work, the only people I really interact with are mechanics and rental car associates, because of course I spend all of my free time getting my car to and from the mechanic. We have been to the mechanic twice. Tomorrow I will have lived here SEVEN days.*

So anyway, one of my pals in the rental car industry, a native of northern VA, told me that people from around here have a reputation for being unfriendly. I didn’t know that people from the greater DC area had a reputation for anything except for sitting in traffic and wearing suits, but now everyone seems impatient and irritated.** They are visibly disinterested in the second half of my sentences. Sometimes they answer their phones instead. So thanks for coloring my perception of this place with a fat black crayon, Doug from Enterprise. I am impressionable. Yes I will consider buying a used rental car from you. This pitch you are making sounds quite reasonable.***

*This car is ruining my life and holding me hostage but I don’t want to go into the details because I know you’re just going to turn on me for staying in this abusive relationship so long, when what I really need is a hug and three cold beers.

**I want to tell you about an exception: my new personal Armenian banker with the sculpted face manages to be both heartbreakingly earnest and super hot. Each time we bank, he says “I hope I have provided you with five star service” and I know if I asked him to take off his shirt he would do it. Everyone please send me small, shady-looking personal checks that I will have to enter the bank to cash.

***However, I will have to consult my personal Armenian banker first.