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Re: Navel-gazing

22 Sep

When someone tells you that your ego is too big or too loud, it’s hard to refute them. You have to talk about yourself to defend yourself, and there’s that ego again. You can’t talk your way out of it. This has happened to me twice now, and it’s troubling. In my head, what my accusers really meant is that I’m annoying after two drinks, that I overshare, that I have this blog. But if I didn’t think my jokes were funny, I wouldn’t tell them.

All I can say is that after moving here by myself, I got pretty good at enjoying my own company and offering myself some cheese after a long day. I can’t convince someone not to be rubbed the wrong way by me, but I want to at least show that I have plenty of room in my heart for people that aren’t me, so I give you The Gallery of People I Have Tender Feelings For.

(Which doesn’t actually prove anything, because even holding doors for people can be a self-congratulatory gesture.)

First up, for no particular reason, Naaason. That’s not how you spell his name but he’s in law school, he might run for office some day, and I don’t want this to stick to him. If you know him, part of your brain is thinking, ha! there’s no way in hell he could survive a political campaign with his online gambling and the pot and his tendency to friend the underdog, but then another part of your brain, the part that votes, is thinking, how could anyone say no to that face? Because his superpower is disarming charm. And he can eat so many hotdogs.

Like most dark-haired Italian men, he looks hot in a suit. People naturally assume he’s too pretty to be smart, but I took the liberty of capturing his Scramble stats from Facebook. (So unethical!)

Not dumb!

And this one time? In college? A bunch of us were driving around in M’s car and Naaason yelled at some girls in the next car for throwing fast food wrappers out the window, because that’s what he does, and at the next stop light, they threw a fountain beverage into our car. I think it was Sprite. So then we caught up to them and Naaason and this guy opened up two tacos we happened to have underfoot and fired them into the offending car. Actually I don’t remember who threw them, but I remember thinking, wait, is this irony? Having two leftover tacos, when a leftover taco is a rare thing between four college boys, exactly when you need them? The English major was wasted on me.

I don’t condone throwing anything out of cars, but stuff happens when he’s around. Everything’s a little brighter. Or darker. He’s attentive. He puts you at ease. He draws you out. Or he pisses you right off; he’s volatile. But I dare you not to forgive him. I dare you not to laugh when he laughs.