Archive | July, 2007

No spoilers here.

24 Jul

Harry Potter 7

I just finished the book and I want to thank the cashier at Kmart who, as he scanned my book, accidentally told me whether Harry lives or dies at the end.  Your facial hair is a treat, too.


Guess where I found it?

9 Jul

I went running yesterday at 11:30 am which was not a smart move because it was already 90 degrees and humid. A few miles in I just wanted to get home alive. I had to take a break in the shade right before a big hill because I didn’t think I’d make it to the top. Five miles later I was back at my front door with my empty water bottle, desperate for a drink and a cold shower. But when I checked the little key pocket in my shorts, my key was gone! I imagined having to knock on my neighbors’ door in my sweaty, near-death state for a glass of water and a phone and a phonebook to call my landlord – the neighbors with the band, one of whom woke me up the other night when he started yelling, “I love to lick pussy! I could lick pussy all night long!” and then set off some fireworks.

Luckily, I didn’t have to because that’s when I reached down my shorts and found my key! Practically in my crack, right between the mesh lining and my underwear!

An aversion to Shea Butter.

6 Jul

I was killing time at the drug store yesterday, waiting for a prescription to be filled, and I suddenly wanted to know if the generic body wash smelled as good as the more expensive stuff. I picked up a bottle of a CVS brand, flipped open the top, held it up to my nose, and made a big mistake. I squeezed. I got a shot of shea butter right up my nose and all over my face. I tried to casually wipe it off on my shirt and pants, but it really burned. I found a bathroom to rinse off in and that’s when I blew bubbles out my nose.