Before Obama was President…

4 Feb

The second annual eBay Secret Santa Gift Extravaganza happened again and I’m ready to talk about it. I chose Mike, a scientist, to draw the names for us and I received this email:

Dear Joanna,
I have been appointed to be an independent and unbiased coordinator of your Secret Santa event!  Or as it is known in Ireland, “Chris Kindle”, or in Spain, “Amigo Invisible”.
Your assignment:  Wendy
Have fun!

Disclaimer (per Wikipedia):
“A Secret Santa event in a mixed-gender setting can often be marred by the anonymous provision of inappropriate gifts with the potential to cause embarrassment to the recipients. Typical gifts of this nature include many inappropriate objects, such as inflatable penises, dildos and pubic shampoo…”

He kills me.

My bidding did not go well. My plan was to force archivnoten into participating in Sweater Thursday on Christmas day but I don’t think my gift arrived until 2009. Hoping to get something there in time, I bought a placeholder gift but I accidentally chose an international seller and it arrived even later. Anyway, I blew it. I’ll let her tell you about her gifts, as per the user end agreement which I am just now getting around to upholding.
My Santa was Whitney, as scrawled upon the box.


A life-size glass head! How unexpected!

I emailed the seller to confirm receipt and asked WTF is this glass head? His reply:

Good Morning Joanna ,

THANKS for letting me know it arrived in good condition ! The glass head was intended as a display head for commercial use – that is why it is the anatomically appropriate size. We use them to display eye glasses.  Others have used to display hats. These are the more common uses. However, here on Ebay people have been more creative. Some people have filled them with items; one person used a low wattage bulb to make a lamp (not recommended); sold a number of them to an Army Officer who made a memorial homage to his fallen men.  If you or anyone else can use more, please let me know and we can save you money on combined shipping and purchase of more – especially case lots.

The head was obviously a plea for the return of last year’s feature – Who Would I Do and a Hat. Who am I to deny the people?

The hat: I’ve been into all shades of gray lately, if one can be into grays. You can roll up the brim if you want to but I like to wear it TALL.
The do: Chef Anthony Bourdain of the Travel Channel’s No Reservations.

He’s undeniably an aged version of The Moderatalist, minus the Midwestern charm, the physique, and the clean lungs. I bet he doesn’t eat tuna out of the can like David does, but same thick roiling curls. Same lanky gait. (Same ear piercing.)

Tony has a blog and one of his posts is titled the same as one of mine! A common reference to a shared pop culture? No way. It’s a promising sign of our shared future, traveling the globe, exchanging irreverent, witty banter.

Less promising? He hates vegetarians. I can change.

Here he is eating squeevilskweasel.


6 Responses to “Before Obama was President…”

  1. Jill 02/4/09 at 10:30 pm #

    The photo of the glass head in a hat and sunglasses rocks my world.

  2. radioloveless 02/5/09 at 8:59 am #

    God, does mike need to be so damn cute…

  3. wb001i 02/5/09 at 2:13 pm #

    A “memorial homage to his fallen men”? Creepy.

  4. Rouge Baker 02/5/09 at 6:13 pm #

    I don’t think Bourdain could look past the vegetarianism. And I seriously doubt your ability to overcome vegitariansimitis.

  5. Mike D. 02/6/09 at 7:26 am #

    I can not even begin to voice my jealousy of that glass head.

    You apartment is a veritable pop-culture art museum.

  6. Diana 02/7/09 at 2:38 pm #

    But wait! Anthony Bourdain is okay with vegetarian food/vegetarians when he’s in India. So let’s just the three of us move there.

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